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on April 2, 2020 · 8 Comments

World Autism Day – Autism Sibling Relationships

Michael & Alex 3 weeks old

“Do you want to brighten up a party?”  That’s one of my favorite lines from my son, Alex. That’s Alex’s way of asking if we want to play with him.  When he first said that to us, we didn’t know what he was asking.  Today, I use the same line when I want to spend special time with him.  “Alex, do you want to brighten up a party?”  Today, in honor of World Autism Day, I want to talk about Michael’s twin brother, Alex.  As a sibling of autism, Alex, as young as he is, has been my constant rock and I couldn’t love him anymore if I tried. 

Before I go any further, I want to talk a little bit about World Autism Day and what it means to my family and me.  Last year, I was so honored to be collaborating with my friend and fellow autism mom, Jessica Holley.  This year, I’m happy to share that we are collaborating again in the hopes of bringing more autism awareness to the world.  Please go say hello to Jessica and tell her I sent you. You can find her YouTube channel Blessed Jess here. One of the best things about my blog and social media is that it gives me a voice for my son and other children with disabilities. 

There are many challenges special needs families must face.  For siblings living with a brother or sister on the spectrum, the relationship is very different than neurotypical siblings.  For many, social skills are affected.  A feeling of being neglected or not given as much attention to can also be experienced.  My husband and I do our best to fulfill Alex’s needs as well as Michael’s.  It’s a real balancing act and sometimes we fall short.  As a mom, I sometimes feel like I am sacrificing one child for the other; however, I know this is normal and I’m not alone in feeling this way. 

Prior to Michael being diagnosed, Alex and Michael played very well together.  They had normal interactions and got along very well.  They often laughed at each other and it was so beautiful to watch.  One of my favorite videos is of Michael and Alex playing together, crawling in and out of a pop-up tunnel.  It was so important to me, to have them love each other and get along.  Having a sister, who I consider my best friend, I had hoped they would be able to have a relationship that was similar.  As the months went by and I started to notice more differences between the boys, I knew that hope was fading.  At least at the time, that’s how I felt. 

Michael was diagnosed in February 2014.  The boys were 21 months old.  From that moment on, we began to try explaining in age appropriate ways about Michael’s autism.  I doubt that Alex was really understanding it back then but, as we continued to keep Alex informed of what was happening with Michael, Alex was starting to notice the differences himself.  Early in Michael’s diagnosis, tantrums were happening on a daily basis, often several times during the day.  It was overwhelming for all of us, but I could see how it was affecting Alex.  As Alex was starting to communicate and Michael was losing his words, I would have to explain in simple terms why Michael was crying.  I would often tell Alex, ‘Michael is tired’, ‘he didn’t sleep well’ or ‘he isn’t feeling well.’  This changed, of course, as time went by and he was able to understand that Michael was not able to use his words to tell me what was wrong. 

As I watched Alex hit all his milestones and begin to form sentences, I experienced mixed feelings.  I was thrilled that Alex was starting to talk, but I was heartbroken that I may never hear a word from Michael.  In the beginning of his autism journey, so many professionals told us, that many of their former students would suddenly begin to talk at age 5, 6 and 7.  I held on to that hope with every birthday that passed.  Michael currently has some words, but he is nowhere near a full sentence.  

I bawled my eyes out the entire way home

I started to send Alex to a daycare/preschool because my husband and I wanted him to not only start his academics early, but also establish a way of learning social skills and having friends.  The first day we dropped Alex off was so emotional for me (like so many moms 😊).  Alex cried as we left, and I bawled my eyes out the entire way home.  Was I making the right decision, and would Alex think I abandoned him?  Looking back now, I know wholeheartedly that it was the best decision my husband and I made.  Not only did it give him a great foundation for education, but it also gave him socializing opportunities and the opportunity to make lifelong friends.  I was so lucky to have found a place we could afford and a place where the teachers were solid gold.  Alex learned so much, but I learned along with him. 

Michael’s first day of school

As Alex has grown into a beautiful little boy, he has acquired quite the personality.  He is a dreamer, entertainer and comedian.  I think he takes after me!  Lol!!  I do, however, see a lot of his dad as well.  He is stubborn, a great thinker, and athletic.  He loves his YouTube videos, Xbox and is a huge Pokémon fan. 

In the past few months, Alex has taken a great interest in teaching Michael, along with Michael’s therapist.  He will often make his own worksheets for them to use during their sessions.  He will make a name worksheet so Michael can practice writing his name.  He makes math worksheets too.  He is very aware of what Michael is capable of and what he tries to teach him.  He will make a point of giving Michael his sensory breaks when needed.  I love to watch them interact.  It’s not the same as it was when they were babies, but that’s okay.  I know now it doesn’t have to be.  What it is today is just as beautiful. 

Alex’s preschool graduation

Alex really cares about Michael and if he gets to have a playdate with his friends, he tells us that we need to have Michael’s friends over too.  He wants everything to be fair.  If he goes to the store and he buys a toy, candy or lollipop, he always brings something back for Michael.  He loves his brother and it’s very heartwarming to see.  Alex also tries to explain the situation to his friends when they meet his brother.  He will explain to them, “Michael is autistic, and he can’t talk.  He is still learning how, but he can say hello to you.”  Thankfully, most of his friends know of Michael’s autism and are very welcoming to him as well. 

Lastly, I just want to say I know there are so many resources out there for autism siblings.  My original thought when starting this blog post was to share statistics and resources with you.  However, after thinking about it, I just wanted to talk about Alex.  I wanted to share why he is such a great kid and how he helps me get through the days.  He is truly a remarkable little boy and yes, I’m biased, but I think if you met him, you would agree. 

Before I end this, I want to share one funny story with you.  Somehow, a few months ago, we got on the subject of underwear, specifically undershirts, and how mom doesn’t wear them.  I said to Alex, “No, I wear a bra.  Do you know what a bra is?”  He said, “Of course!  A bra is something that looks like a huge pair of sunglasses and you strap it around your chest!”  Hilarious!  I was crying laughing when he said that!  That’s my Alex!

If you would like more information regarding autism and/or autism sibling relationships, please comment below.  I’d love to share more info with you or if there is someone you know who can benefit. 

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Filed Under: Autism, Special Needs Parenting

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Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Angela alday says

    April 2, 2020 at 2:22 pm

    Love love love this!

    Reply
    • Joann says

      April 2, 2020 at 2:40 pm

      Thank you Angela!

      Reply
  2. Jessica Holley says

    April 2, 2020 at 4:17 pm

    Oh my goodness! The pictures of your guys are just adorable! I can’t imagine navigating this with twins, but you are amazing, Mama. What blessed boys! Thanks so much for collaborating! Sending hugs!

    Reply
    • Joann says

      April 2, 2020 at 10:43 pm

      Hi Jess! Thank you! In the beginning it was challenging, but we got through it. Thank you for collaborating with me too. Hugs to you!

      Reply
  3. lisa says

    April 2, 2020 at 10:33 pm

    great stories. it was so wonderful to read .

    Reply
    • Joann says

      April 2, 2020 at 10:43 pm

      Thank you Lisa!

      Reply
  4. Christine Arnone says

    April 3, 2020 at 4:07 am

    Hi Joann, love the pictures of them together they are so precious. Alex is a great
    brother. I know lots of times that Alex & I have gone out shopping he always saids
    we have to get Michael something too. He always remembers his brother Michael.
    You are an amazing mom Joann & they both love you so much. God bless you
    all.

    Love Aunt Chris

    Reply
    • Joann says

      April 6, 2020 at 12:26 pm

      Thank you!

      Reply

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I'm Joann, a wife, a mom of twin boys (one of which is autistic and nonverbal), and welcome to my blog! Please make yourself comfortable, so I can share stories from my life, my mad addiction to beauty products and my love of all things Disney!

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Lovealways,Joann
Missing the mouse! #disney #disneyhollywoodstudios Missing the mouse! #disney #disneyhollywoodstudios #mickeymouse #waltdisneyworld #disneymemories #disneyvacation
Good morning friends! Let's talk Disney! Today on Good morning friends! Let's talk Disney! Today on the blog and my YouTube channel, I am sharing the next Disney recipe for a year! I made Hollywood Studios, Toy Story Land Chocolate-hazelnut Lunch Box Tarts! I made these on Saturday, and by Sunday all 6 of them were gone! I hope you enjoy watching and remember the printable recipe can be found on my blog.  Direct link for Blog/YouTube in bio.  #disney #disneyfood #disneyfoodie #disneysnacks #disneyrecipes #toystoryland #chocolatehazelnutlunchboxtarts #lunchboxtarts .
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You know that saying, ‘It’s just like riding a You know that saying, ‘It’s just like riding a bike?” Well, I’m not sure that would apply to me. When I was dating my husband, he would always ask me if I could ride a bike.  I always said, “Yes, of course.” Truth be told, it had been years since I was on a bike, but I was sure I could still ride. The thing is, I hated to bike ride, even as a child. I blame it on the ugly bright orange bike my parents bought me and the time I fell off and landed in the sewer drain on my street. I was about 9 or 10 years old and I was only allowed to ride my bike on the sidewalk. It was always a nightmare. 
A few years ago, we were shopping in Walmart and happened to be passing a row of bikes that were on sale. My husband comes up with the brilliant idea of buying me a bike! What?? I quickly said to him, “No, that’s okay. We don’t have time right now.” I knew that excuse wasn’t going to work. He takes out a bike and says, “Let’s try this one.” 😳 I told him, “I don’t like the color.” He says, “Well, just take a look and see, what color do you want?” I thought to myself, pick a color you know would be impossible to find. I blurted out “Mahogany!” And wouldn’t you know, “Damn you Walmart! You had a mahogany bike!!” I walk over to the bike still in the row. I figured how hard can this be? I swing my leg over and start to back it out. I attempt to ‘ride’ it down the aisle and I couldn’t do it! I kept falling over, losing my balance and telling Gabe there’s something wrong with this bike! After a few tries, almost taking out a small child on her bike and taking down an entire row of bike helmets, Gabe says, “You can’t ride a bike?” Now I’m completely embarrassed and yelling, “Yes, yes I can!!” Again he repeats with a smirk on his face, “You can’t ride a bike, can you?” I get off the bike, walk it back and, as I’m doing this, I realize I just can’t hide it anymore. “Okay,” I said to him. “I guess I’ll need some practice.” And that, my dear friends, is why that saying, ‘It’s just like riding a bike!’ doesn’t apply to me!🤪 Lol!
#justlikeridingabike #wannabestuntwoman .
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Let’s talk Disney! The second Disney recipe is i Let’s talk Disney! The second Disney recipe is in the book!  The next recipe is from Hollywood Studios - Toy Story Land.  This week I am making the Chocolate Hazelnut Lunch Box Tarts! I never tried them during my last trip, so I had nothing to compare it with. However, I must admit they were delicious! YouTube video will be up this week.  Please make sure you subscribe so you won’t miss out on all the shenanigans! My son Michael couldn’t resist sticking his fingers in the Nutella and at one point he grabbed the tripod during filming.... good times! 🤣🤪😀#disney #disneyhollywoodstudios  #toystoryland #lunchboxtarts #nutellaexplosion #cameramangonewild #toystoryland #disneysnacks #disneyfoodie #disneyrecipes #outofmycomfortzone #disneysnack #woodyslunchbox 
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I was pretending to be here all day... I have the I was pretending to be here all day... I have the best tan! 😃🤣🤪🌴☀️#pretending #pretendingisgoodforthesoul #thebeachiscalling #122daystosummer #gohomeelsa 
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It was just like a movie It was just like a song M It was just like a movie
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Of when we were young... my Valentine then, now, always ❤️ #love #amore #forever #whenwewereyoung 
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Autism life is hard. It's so easy as an autism mo Autism life is hard.  It's so easy as an autism mom to spiral down the negativity hole once you're day takes a turn for the worse.  That was yesterday.  Today, it continued.  I am trying to ignore the nonsense of the last two days and focus on some of the positives.  The picture above is Michael watching TV, I mean really watching TV!! I spoke about this previously how such a small thing is such a big win to us.  We have been working on Michael enjoying leisure activities for a long time.  The progress in autism can be relatively slow.  I don't care how long or slow it is, it is still progress.  However, when I have days like these, if I'm being honest, these little wins go missing, I'm too wrapped up in the negative.  I'm learning to accept where we are and focus on the positive.  And this is why I'm here writing this now.  Reminding myself of all the wonderful accomplishments and progress Michael has made.  Also a reminder to myself that I am learning that it's okay, I don't have to feel like Ms. Positivity every waking moment.  After all, life isn't perfect and either am I.  #bloom #progressoverperfection #progess #smallwins #autismmom 
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Hollywood is calling me... #disney #disneyhollywoo Hollywood is calling me... #disney #disneyhollywoodstudios #disneymemories
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Always look for the light...❤️ #waltdisneyworl Always look for the light...❤️ #waltdisneyworld #disney #disneymemories #roughdaygoaway 
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One is out in the snow, the other is swimming in t One is out in the snow, the other is swimming in the 🛀 😀🌨❤️ I hope you’re having a wonderful day! #sundayfunday #snow #family
This week I launched my first YouTube video featur This week I launched my first YouTube video featuring Disney recipes for the year! I’d love for you to take a look! Direct link in my bio.  #disney #disneyfood #disneysnacks #disneyrecipes#youtube #disneyfoodies
It's Friday and the end of the week! Have you spen It's Friday and the end of the week! Have you spent any time on yourself this week?  If not, hop to it 🙂 Self care is very trendy right now, but it should be part of your daily routine.  I know it's hard to find five minutes for yourself, believe me, I I know.  It is hard, but it's so important to relieve stress, clear your mind of negativity and focus on you!  I challenge you to try something today, anything! It can be a walk around your block, a nice soak with some wonderfully scented bath bombs or a quick stretching/yoga movements to loosen up.  Don't let self care be a trend only, let it just be another part of your day.  #selfcare #selflove #takecareofyourself #friday #fridaymood 
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#autism #autismmom #autismeducation #autismdad #autismfamily #autismawareness #autismlife #specialneedsjourney 
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#sensoryprocessingdisorder 
#mommyblogger #bloom
#autismboy
Some of my favorite memories from our Disney trip Some of my favorite memories from our Disney trip in 2019, is seeing my boys smiles and hearing their sweet little giggles.  I really didn’t know what to expect, especially from Michael.  Our first park day was at Animal Kingdom.  They both loved it! To be honest, because of all the wonderful 1st memories, this is my new favorite park.  Our first ride was TriceraTop Spin.  I sat with Alex and Gabe had Michael with him in front of us.  I took a short little video because I wanted to remember this moment forever. ❤️ It was magical! Disney was not only able to capture my boys heart and soul that day, but my husband’s as well.  Mission accomplished - Disney Forever. #disney #disneymemories #disneyanimalkingdom #iloveDisney #disneyaddict #waltdisneyworld #disneyvacation 
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#autism #autismmom #autismeducation #autismdad #autismfamily #autismawareness #autismlife #specialneedsjourney 
#autismacceptance #autismstars 
#specialneeds #ourautismjourney #specialneedsfamily #specialneedsmom #littlestoriesofmylife  #asd 
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#autismboy
Good morning friends! Today is World Cancer Day. Good morning friends! Today is World Cancer Day.  As a cancer survivor I know first hand how important World Cancer Day is to me and my family.  Whether you are a survivor, currently going through treatment or a caretaker, cancer awareness and education is key in finding a cure. 
Today around the world, we come together to recognize that no matter who or where you come from, cancer touches the lives of many.  As someone who has had cancer, lost someone to cancer, and has been a caretaker, I understand and lived through every emotion possible.  However, I am here today to share my hopes, dreams and wishes for the world to one day be cancer free. 
I am extremely lucky because my doctor was extremely thorough.  Early detection is so important to increase your odds of survival.  Please take the time to have your yearly physical, your life depends on it. 

To learn more about World Cancer Day and cancer education, the direct link is in my bio.  #iamandiwill #worldcancerday2021 #lungcancersurvivor #cancerawareness #nonhodgkinlymphoma  #mommyblogger #cancerwarrior
Good morning friends! Let's talk Disney! Today on Good morning friends! Let's talk Disney!  Today on the blog and my YouTube channel ( yikes!) I am sharing the very first Disney Recipe for a year!  I'm going to be honest, I'm really nervous about this whole YouTube journey and as I shared over the weekend, this is completely out of my comfort zone.  Please be patient with me as I learn to navigate this new adventure.  Thank you as always for your support! Direct link in bio.  #disney #disneyfood #disneyfoodie #disneysnacks #disneyrecipes 
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#autism #autismmom #autismeducation #autismdad #autismfamily #autismawareness #autismlife #specialneedsjourney 
#autismacceptance #autismstars 
#specialneeds #ourautismjourney #specialneedsfamily #specialneedsmom #littlestoriesofmylife  #asd 
#sensoryprocessingdisorder 
#mommyblogger #bloom
#autismboy
What do special needs parents want you to know ab What do special needs  parents want you to know about their child with autism? Everything you are willing to learn! No lie! If you make an effort to learn about autism, then you’ll share with your family, your children and maybe within your business or employer.  What you learn now will not only impact my son’s life but future generations to come.  Before I had Michael I knew of autism but I never really understood it until living it first hand.  I was always nervous and unsure how to interact with children on the spectrum.  I had to work at trying to figure out what to say or do in their presence.  I get that it’s hard to understand if you’re not in the autism community.  Please know I would love to help you learn more. To be able to share and teach  everyone that kids on the spectrum want to have friends, build relationships and feel love. ❤️ Just ask, learn and accept. 
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#autism #autismmom #autismeducation #autismdad #autismfamily #autismawareness #autismlife #specialneedsjourney 
#autismacceptance #autismstars 
#specialneeds #ourautismjourney #specialneedsfamily #specialneedsmom #littlestoriesofmylife  #asd 
#sensoryprocessingdisorder 
#mommyblogger #bloom
#autismboy
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